Resources for clinicians, caregivers and clients featuring EFFT and beyond...
Resources for Parents and Caregivers
Why We Want You
Whether struggling to support the behavioural or emotion needs of their child/loved one, or lost in a spiral of fear, shame, helplessness or hopelessness, parents and caregivers can absolutely still be the strongest allies on their loved one's journey to health. In this video, Dr. Adele Lafrance, outlines some of the key reasons why we want YOU. Even if you are feeling like you are the last one who should be helping.
Mini Caregiver Workshop
In line with modules from Emotion-Focused Family Therapy – an innovative and evidence-based treatment – our caregiving video is now available to support those interested in "prevention parenting" or who are struggling with the needs of their child/loved one. Viewers will be exposed to practical skills and techniques for advanced caregiving, including how to tend to potentially problematic caregiving patterns common to many in a caregiving role.
Advanced Caregiving for Eating Disorders - 3-part Video Series
Are you the parent of a teenager or an adult child with an eating disorder? Is your spouse suffering? In this 2-part video series, caregivers will learn how to respond to some of the common statements that come up along the journey, including coaching scripts for meal support and symptom interruption.
Does your child—young or adult—suffer from anxiety, depression, substance use problems, an eating disorder, or other mental health concern? Do you struggle with their behavior and/or setting limits? Join EFFT clinicians for a series of caregiver sessions / workshops. For more information, click below.
Anger is a basic emotion experienced by all. Like every emotion, for anger to run its course, it needs to be expressed and then validated, and preferably by a trusted other. We are now just learning about the power of its role in mental health. For example, issues with anger can lead to an increased risk for symptoms of anxiety, depression, OCD and eating disorders - even self-harm behaviors and suicidality. Anger can also be used to transform problematic thoughts, urges and behaviors. As such, this webinar provides caregivers with a new framework and specific skills to respond to anger in order to harness its healing power. Strategies are also shared for those whose loved one's anger is easily accessible (read: overflowing) or beneath the surface (read: not sure if it's even there).
Learn new skills to support your loved with cooperation and collaboration with this new video on Behavior Coaching. Click here to watch.
Therapeutic Apologies
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Therapeutic Apologies are one of the most powerful interventions in Emotion-Focused Family Therapy. This video will introduce the "standard" EFFT apology. Likely outcomes include: strengthening relationships, releasing self/other-blame for all involved, and evolving the emotional climate of the family Click here to watch.
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Dr Adele Lafrance - co-developer of the EFFT model - writes and publishes a newsletter for caregivers interested in topics related to emotion, family, caregiving and mental health.
Click here to join the mailing list.
A Few Favourite Handouts
The Super-Feeler:
Is your child a super-feeler? A super-feeler has a very sensitive radar for emotion. They can pick up on your sadness, anger or stress, even when you’ve made a point not to talk about it. And when they experience emotions, they tend to be quite intense. Not surprisingly, it can be hard to be a super-feeler. Click here for more information and a handout for caregiver and loved one.
Behavioural Support:
Are you in need of tips to increase your child's cooperation and engagement - no matter their age? Click here for a simple guide. Keep in mind, however, that validation is a necessary step and be sure to refer to the emotion coaching/validation resources to further refine your skills.
Emotional Support:
If you are struggling to respond to your child’s emotion in a way that reduces the intensity of their pain, but also leads to their eventual adoption of these strategies, click here for more information. You may also want to read this great article that describes the science of emotion processing in children using a simple analogy that you can share with your co-parent and child.
And if you're serious about getting started - click here for a script-builder.
Validating Anger:
Ready for the ultimate challenge in emotion coaching? Learn to validate your loved one's anger - especially if directed toward you. The ability to do so can be a powerful gateway to mental health. Click here for a handout to guide your efforts, or here for a parenting video on the Healing Power of Anger.
Parenting Dimensions:
Are you interested in transforming parenting patterns that may get in the way of your best efforts? Complete this self-assessment and determine where you can begin this process. First, download this document. Then, place a checkmark where you fit on each of the lines with regard to the different parenting dimensions. Next, identify your relative extremes – in other words – the top 3 dimensions where you marked yourself the farthest from the middle. Then, try to identify one behavior that will help you to make your way closer to that middle. For example, if you never apologize, offer a sincere apology to one of your children. If you never criticize your children, make it a point to offer them constructive feedback. This can be a powerful tool to guide change in your family unit starting today.
Our Favourite Books
What to Say to Kids When Nothing Seems to Work - Adele Lafrance and Ashley Miller
With a dose of humor and plenty of real-life examples, the authors will guide you to "build a bridge" into your child’s world to make sense of their emotions and behavior. Sample scenarios and scripts are provided for you to customize based on your caregiving style and your child’s personality. These are then followed by concrete support strategies to help you manage current and future situations in a way that leaves everyone feeling better. Chapters are organized by common kid-related issues so you can quickly find what’s relevant to you.
Dr. Brené Brown invites us on a journey to transform the lives of parents and children alike. Drawing on her 12 years of research on vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame, she presents ten guideposts to creating what she describes as "wholehearted" families where each of us can continually learn and grow as we reach our full potential
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child – John Gottman
Dr. John Gottman explores the emotional relationship between parents and children, and offers insight into parenting styles and emotional self-awareness, including the steps to emotion coaching. Chapters also cover divorce, fathering, and age-based emotional development.
In this groundbreaking exploration of the brain mechanisms behind healthy caregiving, attachment specialist, Daniel A. Hughes and veteran clinical psychologist, Jonathan Baylin guide readers through the intricate web of neuronal processes, hormones, and chemicals that drive―and sometimes thwart―our caregiving impulses, uncovering the mysteries of the parental brain.
No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame - Janet Lansbury
“No Bad Kids” provides a practical tool for parents who are anticipating or experiencing those critical years when toddlers are developmentally obliged to test the limits of our patience and love.
Treating Childhood and Adolescent Anxiety: A Guide for Caregivers - Eli Lebowitz
Focusing on the special role of the caregiver in recovery, this empowering guide offers parents practical, evidence-based, and theory-driven strategies for helping children to overcome anxiety, even if they resist treatment.
The Mother Dance: How Children Change Your Life - Harriet Lerner
From birth or adoption to the empty nest, The Mother Dance teaches the basic lessons of motherhood: that we are not in control of what happens to our children, that most of what we worry about doesn't happen, and that our children will love us with all our imperfections if we can do the same for them.
Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting - Laura Markham
Based on the latest research on brain development, Dr. Laura Markham’s approach is as simple as it is effective. Her message: Fostering emotional connection with your child creates real and lasting change. When you have that vital connection, you don’t need to threaten, nag, plead, bribe—or even punish.
Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More – Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate
Dr. Gordon Neufeld and Dr. Gabor Mate explore the cause for and impact of "peer orientation" - when children look to peers, rather than to adults for direction. Along with shedding light on the sources of breakdown of parental influence, they offer ways to re-connect with kids in order to reestablish a healthy caregiving relationship.
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk - Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
This book starts with one of our favourite concepts – we should help children deal with their emotions before jumping in "to fix". Oftentimes, strong emotions, especially negative ones, cannot be brushed aside or “fixed” by another. Instead, children need our help learning to deal with them and this book provides a framework to do so.
This book offers parents the practical tools they need to cope with conflict, encourage cooperation, reduce competition, and make it possible for children to experience the joys of their special relationships with one another.
The Whole-Brain Child – Dan Siegel
Dr. Daniel Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson explain the new neuroscience about children's brains - how they are wired and mature. They make the information relatable and give tangible examples of how parents can support right and left brain integration, which helps foster vital growth for children's success.
Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain – Dan Siegel
Dr. Daniel Siegel explains how parents and teens alike can better understand the neurological changes that occur during adolescence (ages 12-24) in order to decrease conflict and form closer relationships.
The Yes Brain: How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity and Resilience in Your Child-
Dan Siegel & Tina Payne
When facing challenges, unpleasant tasks, and contentious issues such as homework, screen time, food choices, and bedtime, children often act out or shut down, responding with reactivity instead of receptivity. But, our kids can be taught to approach life with openness and curiosity. Parents can foster their children’s ability to say yes to the world and welcome all that life has to offer, even during difficult times.
Defining the true meaning of the “d” word (to instruct, not to shout or reprimand), the authors explain how to reach your child, redirect emotions, and transform a meltdown into an opportunity for growth. By doing so, the cycle of negative behavior (and punishment) is essentially brought to a halt, as problem solving becomes a win/win situation.
Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting - Jon and Myla Kabat-Zinn
Everyday Blessings remains one of the few books on parenting that embraces the emotional, intuitive, and deeply personal experience of being a parent, applying the groundbreaking "mind/body connection" expertise from global mindfulness leader, Jon Kabat-Zinn and his wife, Myla Kabat-Zinn.